THE POWER OF SUGGESTION

Want to know why anti-wind nimbies are evil? Dangerously, frighteningly, psychotically evil?

Because they want you to be ill.

Why do they want that? Because then they will have been proved right. Which is all that matters to them (try having a conversation with one - you'll never have the last word). So your job is to become ill when they want you to.

Here's how it works.

You hear that there are plans to build a windfarm near where you live. You don't know what that means, because you've never seen a windfarm. But you're concerned - naturally. Let's face it, we're only human, and any change, any mooted development, can be a cause for concern. Not just windfarms.

Now, if you were level-headed and grown-up, you might decide to visit a few windfarms to find out what they're like. But - NOT SO FAST!!!!! - some of your neighbours have already looked into it (so you don't need to find out for yourself). And what they've discovered is pretty worrying.

Apparently, windfarms are very noisy. They don't really work, of course, but somehow they still contrive to be very noisy, all the same. They keep you awake at night. And, what's worse, THEY MAKE YOU ILL!

Yes, there's evidence to prove it! Not very good evidence. Not really evidence at all, in the strictly scientific sense. In fact, it's a load of crap. But how are you to know? You're not a scientist. You trust your neighbours when they pretend to know what they're talking about. Of course, they're not going to let on that they got all their so-called "information" from a discredited nimby website, are they? No, they're going to pull the wool over your eyes by claiming to be giving you "comprehensive information" and they'll get you believing in conspiracy theories ("what the wind industry doesn't want you to know").

So there's the problem. Those arrogant, pompous, selfish bastards you call neighbours - who are only opposed to the windfarm because they don't want it affecting "their" view - have told you that it will be NOISY, it will KEEP YOU AWAKE AT NIGHT, and it will MAKE YOU ILL.

And you believed them.

This is becoming a major problem. Take the large new windfarm at Fullabrook in North Devon. It's not completed yet. But some locals are already claiming that it's noisy. One has even said that she can "feel the sensation from the blades turning through my pillow" (not really possible). Another has complained about the noise from the turbines' "motors" (ugh?). Someone has said that it is like having tumble driers in the bedroom so they're having to sleep on the sofa downstairs (so the "noise" doesn't reach downstairs - that's interesting).

All of these people can see the turbines - and there, dear friends, lies the problem. They were TOLD by their local nimby agitators that the turbines would sound like tumble driers (but only upstairs, apparently). They were TOLD that the turbines would make them ill. They were told that a magical-mystical thing called Amplitude Modulation would sound all swishy and bumpy, and that's what they're reporting. They even believed all the guff about infrasound (note to Stop Dorcas Lane Turbines: some sounds do not get louder as you move further away from the source - that's not physically possible. Get a grip).

The thing is, while some people are stressing about how "noisy" the windfarm is, others simply cannot hear it at all. A local councillor and Green Party candidate visited the site and was mystified by the lack of windfarm noise. "I am in receipt of criticisms (from people who don't like the wind-farm) but I get far more support from people who simply register confusion about the subject", he said. Like others, he had been totally unable to hear the phantom swishes, bumps and tumble driers. Because they weren't there.

Of course, being a Green Party candidate, the nimbies do not think that he's allowed to comment. Okay, so he checked out the site and couldn't find the problem. But he must be wrong BECAUSE HE DOESN'T AGREE WITH THE NIMBIES. And they're positively crowing about the strange, untraceable sounds that some locals are reporting.

Let's remember: the nimbies TOLD these people that windfarms are NOISY, they MAKE YOU ILL, and they KEEP YOU AWAKE AT NIGHT!!! They even told them what noises to expect (tumble driers, whoosing, swishing, bumping, and something called a wind turbine "motor"). And those people believed them.

Getting the picture? There's also the infamous example of Mr and Mrs Davis, who reported hearing "noise" in all sorts of strange situations - such as when their local windfarm wasn't even operational, or when they were miles away from it. When scrupulous and extended studies were carried out by noise experts, both for the local council and the windfarm operators, no trace of this "noise" could be found.

The Davises' case became a nimby cause celebre. Never mind the thousands of people living very happily near windfarms - statistically, the people most likely to support wind power. They don't count. But Mr and Mrs Davis - oh my God, we must never erect another wind turbine, ever!

(Even though the so-called "noise" could not be traced.)

Now, the nimbies have an answer to all this. Why, that is, most people, as well as scientific instruments, can't detect these phantom noises, let alone the more exotic infrasound and amplitude modulation. The nimbies argue that some people are more sensitive to this sort of thing than others. Notably, these hyper-sensitive souls tend to be those who can actually see the windfarm. And because some people are more sensitive than others, we must never erect another wind turbine, ever again!

Well, they're right in one respect. These people are more sensitive. By which we mean they're more suggestible. They're just the sort to be taken in by the rantings and ravings of a nimby liar.

They're the sort the nimbies like best. They're so easily programmable. You WILL hear the noise! You WILL be kept awake!! You WILL become ill!!!

And so they do, just as the nimbies told them to.

Shame, really. If they'd gone out and done their own research, they wouldn't be suffering now. Because they wouldn't have fallen for all that nimby bullshit in the first place.

So that's why anti-wind nimbies are so sickeningly, stomach-churningly, maniacally evil. They want you to believe the rubbish they're telling you. They want you to fall ill on cue. They want you to "feel" the distant blades pulsating through your pillows. They want you to find it so noisy that you have to sleep downstairs (an interesting example of the power of suggestion: you were TOLD that you wouldn't be able to sleep at night, which you subconsciously interpreted as "I won't be able to sleep in the bedroom"). They want you to hear tumble driers that aren't there, to hear forms of sound that are not detectable by the human ear, to hear swishes and thumps that not even the most sensitive acoustic equipment can't monitor.

They want you to suffer. Because then they can say: "Look, someone's suffering, ha, ha, ha, just like we told them they would! Ha, ha!! We were right! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!!"

Sadly, though, it's your fault really, for listening to them in the first place. Next time, maybe you'll listen to someone who actually cares about you.